Thank you -
Dane Kirchoff Foster
** The Butterfly Group Members
Morgen Zimmer - Rieth
undergrad edition // inspirations, devastations, formations + graduation
Hello, Christopher, do you remember me?
West Palm Beach.
The friend among unfriendly beings. The non-artistic artist. Thank you for being kind, for being an encouragement.
Some day our paths will cross again and I will get the opportunity to listen to your stories.
Real and intangible.
My favorite hobby is being an observer, standing off to the side and reflecting on situations, whether they apply to me or not. So here’s an observation I made at the start August but really has been going on far earlier than I was able to observe.
My well-intentioned friend, and roommate, got through two and half-ish months before she crumbled and here’s why;
She had very recently started doing a lot of reflecting and strived to live out a healthy life. This strive was well-intended and started out well, she was on this “high on life and humanity” feeling she had, unfortunately this “high" intrigued a male individual that she had not anticipated. She told me at the very beginning, “it’s so great, it was unexpected and things are going really quickly, but I feel so comfortable with him, we connect so easily” to which of course I simply watched it play out and didn’t really respond with anything of substance except for “that’s exciting”. What I should have told her, what would have been wise to tell her, is yes, that’s great, but that’s not healthy. She strived to live a healthy life, so why didn’t I tell her this?
Here is her pattern, she trusts everyone.
“trust everyone until they give you a reason not to”, I asked her why she thought that because I didn’t understand it, and she told me that’s how her mom raised her. Maybe that’s where she got some of her idealistic tendencies from. So she started hanging out with this guy, who she enjoyed, and instead of letting life happen gradually she rushed things. Flat out asked him if he was interested in her to which he responded, yes. Again, to understand her logic I asked her why she did this, she responded
“I don’t like wasting my time.”
What she failed to see at the time, what I failed to tell her, was getting to know someone and letting life play out, is not a waste of time. It’s a necessity in healthy relationships. Then the colossal shattering of her fantasy came after she did a big thing. She decided, for a gift, they would go on this out-of-town adventure. That’s what she called it, what I called it is an out-of-town-mega-terrible-and-unhealthy-mistake.
Getting to know someone and letting life play out, is not a waste of time
So, she set out to live a healthy life but fell back into her old patterns. Everything she did at the beginning was on a healthy, steady course, then it ended the moment she decided with her brain that it’d be fun to go on an adventure.
The root of the problem here was that she didn’t really trust everyone until they gave her a reason not to, it was a false trust. Because to be a safe person, you don’t trust everyone, they have to earn your trust. Prove they are trustworthy individuals, whatever proof means for you - it varies for people. And since she falsely gave this trust to people, she also felt entitled that they would trust her. Which wasn’t there, either. So she rushed a dynamic with this guy on the basis of false trust. It didn’t start out this way, it started out by her correctly letting things run it's course.
However, she eventually tried to control the situation.
After they returned from this excursion she tried to control where her life was going and this specific situation she put herself in, which should never happen - control can be grossly unhealthy. So after her and this guy parted ways, in tears she said (are you ready for the ultimate cliche?) through this whole situation, she lost herself, who she was. Told ya, ultimate cliche - however, it was so true. She is not the type of person who is demanding or controlling, so where did she lose herself?
I did eventually ask her, when she seemed to be thinking logically,
“What caused you to lose yourself?”
Contemplating for a moment, she replied
“I can’t answer that right now, I know the answer, but I can’t come to terms with it right now.”
Here is a great example of how her logic was not on the same level as her emotions. She knew the cause but emotionally she couldn’t say it aloud because it would cause pain. Granted, this is irrational pain, but pain doesn’t have to be rational. Logically, you can know exactly what went wrong and read all the "self-help" books on the local Barnes and Noble Bookstore shelf, but if you are emotionally not caught up with your logic - that is where you need to look. And this is where she started looking. I attempted to help her anyway I could, because I could feel this pain. Wanting to be “real" with someone, but also drastically fearing the vulnerability that this should bring. How time is the ultimate proof of trust - can’t rush the idea of time.
She made all these realizations by, most importantly, the wisdom/guidance of others and herself. Through this situation she became critical of herself, but this wasn’t inherently a bad thing - at least in her words,
"Don’t be too critical of yourself, but be critical enough to make the change you want to see in yourself or the situations you are drawn to.”
This was something strong and wise that she did, she reflected. Looked towards her actions, never blamed the guy or the situation by saying stuff like Well, this is just where I’m at in life - she did none of that. She reflected inward, because that’s where she fell apart, which inevitably caused the relationship to fall apart.
How do I know that she will be okay? The most recent concept she mentioned about her situation was,
“When you cry out of joy, instead of pain, it’s a step towards positive change.”
Never once did I pity her, never once did I tell her "you just need time", "distance yourself", or my personal favorite: "it's only a season of your life, it'll pass” - because these were not things she needed to hear. They sound vaguely like excuses and are most unhelpful. Unless you are not looking to change so you don’t fall into the same cycle of mistakes.
They sound vaguely like excuses and are most unhelpful
Someone tells you to distance yourself, why? What will happen if you distance yourself from a situation? If you are not striving to grow in who you are, distancing yourself from something/one will do absolutely no good. It will change nothing. You may move on from this specific situation, but you are guaranteed to make the same mistakes and it will continue on this loop.
If you're in pain and they're saying it will take time, why? What will time do? You have to have an answer to this question before it can be a valid response. Similar to how distance will do no good, if you are not looking within while you're letting "time" run it's course - time will not make a difference.
Perhaps, distance and time will help you get there, however, you have to look at why that will help before it’s valid.
Do not get me wrong, my roommate is not a stupid person - she just fell into a pattern of unhealthy habits and we all do this. The difference with her is that she recognizes it and is actively seeking to change.
Who knows what will happen. That’s part of the beauty, we don’t know. Because we can’t control life and we definitely shouldn’t try to.
Why am I writing this piece about the soul vs the mind? Simply put: I want people to be safe, to be healthy, to be aware. Because "safe people breed safe people”. These are realizations that everyone knows to be true but rarely say.
You see these names morphed together, because they matter to viewers, it seems we care more about who the artist is than the title of their piece.
The names are visible, and then they aren’t. Where we give titles and where titles are not given, we either enjoy a piece of art or we do not. Why does it matter?
)( Cloud Surfing )(
My goal in life is to live it how I was destined to.
Vague? Absolutely! But vague is how I roll.
Perhaps I should have introduced myself before. My name is Jasmine Shiree. Feel free to take a look around this always-changing website.
What I would love most in the world is to live among the stars, but unfortunately that dream was crushed a long time ago - since I’m on this lovely planet for the time being, I would be honored if you allowed me to care about you.
You and I? We could be best friends.
Website in brief;
Remember it’s a chill site with art everywhere. Some I’ve done alone, others have been collaborations. There may be animal photos, which will be random, but probably adorable. Because animals are adorable.
I believe in giving credit where credit is due - there will be links all around, make sure to check them out.
Creating a collaged artist book of old keepsakes | One man's trash is another's treasure, eh?
Thank you -
James Noel Smith